Jacqueline Michelle – an American student

"Applying Cooley's theory to my own life I (JM) can see how my self-concept has changed as my perception of my social mirror changed. The development of my self-concept can be seen as an example of Cooley's theory on the looking-glass self.

My early self-concept consisted of what I was told by my parents and the children I attended grade school with. My parents were mentally abusive and my self-concept mirrored that abuse. I was told that I would never amount to anything, that I was never wanted, and that I was the cause of all my parents' fights.

As a result, I was very shy and depressed most of the time.

At school children's reactions to me only confirmed the reflections in my social mirror that my parents had created. My parents constantly told me that I was dumb and stupid. They told me that because of this I would never have any friends. People did not want to be friends with children who were as stupid and ugly as me. People only wanted to be friends with bright, cute children. This made me doubt myself. At school and in other social situations I rarely spoke and never interacted with the other children.

Because of this, the other children perceived me as dumb and stupid.
They started to taunt me with the same names that my parents did.

The self-concept I had, as a young child was that mirrored from my parents and early childhood peers.

Finally, I moved in with my grandmother, who was very positive and loving towards me. When my environment changed so did my self-concept.
Although my self concept has changed a lot over the years, traces of my first self concept still remain with me, and effect me whenever I enter a new social setting making me feel scared, shy, lost and a bit awkward.
When I first enrolled at the University, I felt lost, shy and awkward. My first looking-glass self kept threatening to return to the surface crushing my new positive self-image. I analyzed every look, word or new situation that I entered. I weighed all pros and cons to every response I made before it came out of my mouth. If someone treated me as if I were anything less than I perceived myself as being my self-concept threatened to alter. I had to keep searching within myself in order to maintain my positive self-concept. Luckily the older and more self-assured (reinforced) I become the harder it is for others to change the image in my social mirror."

A factor Cooley didn't consider was how the self affects the image in the social mirror. Once a person is able to justify their actions, a self-serving bias starts to affect the perceived image. The image in the mirror no longer depends on just the people around us. We now attribute our own ideas and perceptions of the world to the image. People may say that another person treated them unfairly because that person is jealous or prejudice against them. People start to accept credit for successes and attribute failures to others or to their situations.

"When entering new situations, like a new school, I now base my perceptions of self on how others react to me, my perceptions of those people, and my current perceptions of myself. If someone were to tell me that I am ugly I may just realize that everyone has their own ideas of beauty and let it go at that, my self-concept unaltered. If a significant other or many other people expressed the same idea, my self-concept would be likely to alter considerably. I would then perceive myself as less attractive than I did before. I've spent my entire life trying to overcome the influence of my first looking-glass self. I haven't yet done that".